THE DILEMMA

THE DILEMMA

 


What a perfect evening. A romantic dinner by candlelight. You find yourself existing in the moment without a care in the world, savoring the flavor of soft white wine, enjoying engaging and flirtatious conversation. You can’t remember the last time you felt so special and deserving of the loving attention being showered upon you. In a phrase, you feel like a woman. After leaving the quaint beachfront restaurant, you and your dream man meander down a dimly lit path leading to a deserted beach. Along the way, you stop and sit down on a weathered wooden bench to remove your shoes. As you lean forward to slip off your heels, the gentle ocean breeze tousles your hair playfully around your face, and you notice the heavenly feeling of the cool powdery sand as it envelops your bare feet. A flutter of warmth travels through your body, landing right in the center of your heart and caresses your soul.

Hand-in-hand you stroll towards the water. You can’t help but admire how the moonbeams scatter playfully across the endless, shimmering ocean, as far as the eye can see. You feel like pinching yourself in disbelief because you cannot believe you are here, on this beautiful beach and in this indelible moment with this too-good-to-be-true man. He interrupts your thoughts as he reaches to put his arm around your waist. His touch feels like pure magic. You can’t remember how long it’s been since a simple touch could make you feel breathless with excitement. He nudges your hip and stops walking, turning your body towards his. Gently he wraps his strong arms around your waist, pulling you close.  His face is intense with a sincere look of adoration and desire in his eyes. His gaze alone creates feelings of anticipation and excitement deep within you.

He takes both of your hands up to his sexy lips and slowly kisses one, then the other. He picks you up and effortlessly lies you down on the soft sand. Propped up on one elbow, he positions himself close to you, leans down and begins lightly kissing you; on your face, your lips, in the nook under your ear, the soft spot beneath your collarbone, and across your whole body. ‘I can’t believe this man is here with me’ you think distractedly to yourself. ‘He’s so romantic, so passionate, so handsome, and his lips…oh his lips feel so amazing!

Your mind is spinning in a whirlwind of pleasure, and you are beyond lost in bliss. He moves one hand along the side of your body, tracing his fingers down the outside of your hips and thighs and back up your inner thighs, underneath your dress.  He never stops kissing you, making you crazy with desire. You feel his fingers pull back the side of your panties and he begins caressing you between your legs. The sensation sends a wave of electricity throughout your body.  You haven’t been touched with this kind of passion in so long. It doesn’t take any more than a couple of moments and you start to feel the intense buildup taking hold of your body.  You begin to have the most amazing orgasm…

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

The obnoxious blaring of your alarm rips you awake smack in the middle of your orgasm, stealing you away from the couple seconds of ecstasy from your incredible and oh so realistic dream.  You find your hand between your legs and realize your body subconsciously helped you with a much needed sexual release.

Note:  Wet dreams are a good indicator it’s been WAY too long since you’ve orgasmed.

You slowly stretch your body and lie there for a minute, adjusting yourself to the world of consciousness, and reliving your dream over and over as the endorphin rush from your orgasm too quickly fades away.  You think, ‘Ugh, it’s been way too long.’ You roll your head over to one side and glance in your husband’s direction, hoping you didn’t wake him by making any audible noises while you were in fantasy land. You didn’t. Lying with his back towards you, he continues to snore ever so steadily in the quiet of the early morning. Involuntarily, you let out a big sigh, catching yourself in the middle of your deep exhale.

Experiencing all of those incredible feelings in your dream created by Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome all of a sudden makes you realize something.

Something BIG is missing in your relationship.

You look back in his direction one more time before you roll out of bed to tackle another crazy day and ask yourself, ‘Well damn, when did things change?  When was the last time we had sex for more than five minutes or even kissed for that matter?’


Has the romance, passion, and sexual fire between you and your husband, once burning so hot, now grown cold? Or maybe it’s still smoldering… barely. Has your once strong bond of intimacy gotten lost somewhere in the shuffle of work, being a mother, and the million other responsibilities you juggle on a daily basis? Do you crash into bed at night deliriously tired, cursing tomorrow because you know it’s going to be the same exact grind, and wishing it would all somehow disappear, if only for a few moments so you could catch your breath?

There’s only so much time in a day and, at the end of it, you’re just one person being pushed and pulled in so many different directions. Therefore, something must be sacrificed to help maintain an adequate level of sanity. But what? Albeit a common mistake, more often than not the intimate and sexual bond in the relationship gets placed on the sacrificial altar.

Now is the time to become very honest with yourself. Go through the following questions. Reflect on each question and answer truthfully.


  • Has the intimate connection with your husband steadily weakened over the course of time?
  • Has the passion and desire between the two of you vanished somewhere along the way?
  • Has your sex life become boring, predictable, lifeless, or even non-existent?
  • Has the communication between the two of you deteriorated to the point where it seems, well, pointless?
  • Do you have the desire to revive the intimate connection in your relationship?
  • Do you have the willingness to improve this aspect of your relationship but are unsure how to begin the process?
  • Do you and your husband genuinely still love and care about each other?
  • Are you both still vested in your marriage?
  • Do you long to feel desire for him again, like you once felt?
  • Is your mind open to receive this relationship-changing information provided in this website?

THE ‘R’ WORD

The purpose of not only this blog, but this entire site is to bring your awareness to the importance of sexual intimacy and how to revitalize this core component of your relationship. It’s about getting you to reconnect and embrace your sexuality on a deeper level. It’s about learning to reopen communication with your husband about this aspect of your relationship. To achieve all of these goals, you must take the appropriate steps to improve sexual intimacy from your side. Therefore, the first step in this journey begins with Y-O-U.

It goes without saying that your husband is also responsible for the condition of your relationship as it stands today. It always takes two to tango, doesn’t it?  I have a pretty good idea of the important elements he may no longer bring to the table, and we will absolutely be discussing those things, in detail.  Believe me, your husband does not get a free pass. However, it is time to get completely honest with yourself and take responsibility for choices you’ve made or have neglected to make for your relationship to be where it is today.

Rest assured…A sister site exclusively for men is under way. I am beyond aware how much enlightening they need about Sexual Intimacy Matters!

To concede that a marital issue is perhaps related to your actions and behaviors is a relatively difficult step to take. I understand completely. It is inherently easier to put your guard up, be defensive, and place the blame entirely on your husband. Nevertheless, it is absolutely vital to take ownership of your part if you want to make a legitimate attempt to improve the current condition of your relationship.

If you sincerely have the desire to change your intimate relationship for the better, the change must begin with you. Your relationship will stay stuck exactly where it is today, and you will not reap the amazing benefits this site has to offer if you do not take responsibility for your contribution to the marital issues. You cannot possibly change what you do not acknowledge. So take a deep breath, drop your guard, open your mind and be willing to look at the whole picture, beginning with yourself.

THE REMEDY

Through sexual exploration of some perhaps uncharted territories, you are going to work on rebuilding a much stronger and healthier physical connection with your husband. This website is full of ideas, advice, real-life situations, and hands-on activities to help bring the energy, excitement, and life back into your bedroom and in turn back into your relationship.

As you know, when you are trying to rekindle a fire, it’s a somewhat involved process. You can’t just throw a match on it and poof. Fire! No. You have to poke it, stoke it, move it around, blow on it, and then you can start to see it gradually build up from embers to flames. Keep in mind, the fire in your sexual relationship didn’t become extinguished overnight, and it’s not going to become an inferno overnight either. The process of rebuilding sexual intimacy between you and your husband will take some time. However, your hard work and dedication towards making a change for the better in this area of your relationship will undoubtedly be worth all your time and effort, and it will pay off for both of you.

If you are serious about making a significant improvement in your sexual relationship, please honor the process of change by giving each blog post the full attention it deserves. That way a sustainable transformation can take place. If at all possible, try to plan a quiet and consistent time to read each post. I have thoughtfully made the decision to release a new blog post once a month. I sincerely believe it will be more beneficial to give you the time to reflect on each topic, a chance to engage in conversation in The Chat Room (for members), and take the time to implement and exercise the advice provided in each topic.

Before you embark upon this journey of sexual and emotional self-exploration, buy yourself a pretty little journal (or grab an empty one you probably have stored away somewhere) to record your adventure.  If you are a participant in MEMBERS ONLY, you are encouraged to answer the Honest Assessments as well as write about your experiences from the Sexercises included with each topic. If you are a non-member, I still recommend a journal to take notes and make observations about what you experience with your partner throughout this journey to improve your relationship.

Begin your journal by completing the following statements:


I began this adventure on…

I feel compelled to explore this website about sexual intimacy matters for women because…

I feel _____________________________________about my current sex life.

I feel _____________________________________about the current level of intimacy between my husband and I.

I believe our sex life is where it is today because…

I feel I am responsible for our lack of sexual intimacy because….

I feel he is responsible for our lack of sexual intimacy because…

By investing my time and efforts in this area of my relationship, the goal(s) I hope to achieve is/are…

The most important change(s) I would like to see happen is/are…


Think about these statements and answer them honestly. It is very helpful to stay on course if you clearly understand your objective and what you hope to accomplish.

Without a doubt, it does take a serious, honest, and meaningful effort to reestablish the bond of sexual intimacy in a long-term relationship.  However, by taking a lighthearted and adventurous approach, both you and your husband will have the opportunity to remember exactly why you fell in love with each other in the first place. It is my hope that throughout this journey, you will find a renewed sense of love, appreciation, and desire for one another.


Continue reading my next post

The Relationship Zones